It’s quite possible that I am the only person
on earth that actually enjoys the move “I Heart Huckabees”, with the notable
exception of my friend Mandee who forced me to watch it one night under
considerable protest after she had previously dragged me to see “Choke” (which
is about the zombie clone of Jesus’ foreskin… Or something…) At any rate,
the movie centers on Albert Markovski. There is a very intricate and well
written comedic plot, however what is important here is that Mr Markovski
eventually hires “existential detectives” (because that’s a thing) to
investigate a series of coincidences that have been occurring, namely, that he
has been seeing the same random bell hop that he has no connection to over and
over again. Eventually the movie becomes a comedic argument between
existentialism and nihilism, with one group of existential detectives branding
the random bell hop as an important figure for Mr Markovski (they don’t know
why… I remember something vague about a cat…) and a competing detective agency
claiming that the coincidence is absolutely meaningless.
I haven’t seen I Heart Huckabees in
quite some time but I started thinking about it after having a similar random
bell hop esque experience (still can’t remember what this has to do with that
cat…). The experience is this, at my gym there’s a woman that just always
happens to be there when I am. I know this as fact because she stands out
for a couple of reasons. First, she has silver hair. I don’t mean
she’s old and has grey hair. I mean she dyes her hair silver. I’m
not sure how she manages this as I’ve shopped for some pretty obscure hair dyes
in my life (neon green to prove my teen aged angst, for example. It was
the nineties. It was a different time. There was a war going
on. I think. Don’t judge me!), yet I have never ever seen
silver. I’ve seen frosting kits. But this is not a frosting
kit. This is silver, as in the product name is quite possibly
“Illegitimate Child of Tin Man Silver”. Also, her walk is… Odd. It’s not so much a walk as it is her bouncing
sideways from foot to foot while swinging her head and shoulders in the same
direction. This gets more pronounced
after the twelfth or thirteenth time you walk next to her on a treadmill for an
hour. Finally, she tends to laugh. For no reason. Loudly.
And often you’ll catch her say “that was funny, wasn’t it?!” to absolutely no one. Thus, I’ve noticed this woman a few times.
Now seeing my silver haired bouncing friend at
the gym would be rather normal if I went to the gym on a predictable schedule,
which I don’t. Bumping into someone from
the gym at Wegman’s or at the park would also be normal on occasion except that
this has happened twice now in the past two days. In I Heart Huckabees, Al goes to Lily Tomlin
and Dustin Hoffman who explain to him their theory of interconnectivity and
tell him that this person must mean something to his deeper being in some way. If that’s the case, perhaps I want silver
hair? Maybe this is to teach me how to
keep a straight face while someone bounces and talks to themselves on a
treadmill for an hour? With all due
respect to the existentialists, the nihilists idea of a state where thinking is
frowned upon sounds better. However,
that led Al to discover his significant other having sex in the woods with his
philosophical mentor…. Nevermind…
This isn’t the first time some random thing I
have no connection to followed me around for awhile. I mean, I was married twice. I spent two years being followed around by “One”
(The Metallica song not the crappy Creed song. Now THAT would have
sucked). The aforementioned situations
all ended relatively abruptly and without too much fanfare. Except for the last divorce from Mr McAsswipe
(the number 1 suggestion for his alias in this blog was “Douchey McLardAss”,
but where’s the subtlety in that?) I
also spent three years where I swear every guy I met was named Mike… But I’m rambling now.
I guess this random coincidence will end like the others, but it’s off
putting, especially when the weird bouncy walk is taken into
consideration. I could invite her over for
dinner after being spied on by Dustin Hoffman for a few months, as in I Heart
Huckabees, but I feel like that would just be silly.
No comments:
Post a Comment