Recently money has been tight. Allow me to make the disclaimer here that the
Rock Star and I make slightly more money than the average working middle class
bear. We are both blessed, not only with
each other, but with good jobs and understanding management. Regardless, due to circumstances outside (for
the most part) our control we currently find ourselves unavoidably and
frustratingly broke. So money is
tight.
But it’s been tighter.
I grew up poor, or what most people would consider poor. Not like “holy hell we’re eating roadkill”
poor, but more like “the cable is out for the rest of the month” sort of
poor. Mom was a single mom that
supported us (my sister and I) on her own.
She did a phenomenal job and was never afraid to work multiple jobs to
make sure that we were taken care of, but we were poor. It wasn’t something I remember noticing. Where I grew up most people were poor, it was
just the way things were.
Shortly before my sixteenth birthday I ran away to live with
my boyfriend at the time who would eventually become not only my first ex
husband, but my favorite ex husband. (Yes,
I have a favorite ex husband. Now you
know why I drink.) I didn’t run away
because we were poor, I ran away because I was a little shit. Now, my ex husband and I were “holy hell we’re
eating roadkill” poor. We were teenagers
and we floated from his parents' houses to friends couches as the wind took
us. At sixteen this was freedom to me
and, naturally, meals were missed, porches were slept on and times were
tough. I’m thankful for those days
because they taught me a lot, and, sometimes more importantly, they gave me a
TON of great stories.
I have been that girl taking back beer cans from last week
in order to buy more beer for this week.
I have sold… Things… In order to pay my rent. I know what it feels like to drive a car you
purchased for $150 dollars—FYI it feels bumpy, because cars purchased for $150
have no shocks, they do, however, have wooden bumpers (though I’m not sure if
this is a standard feature or not, you may want to check with the dealership). I was the kid that stayed home from school to
baby sit a younger sibling that was sick because Mom didn’t have sick time
left. I’ve been hungry, and I notice when
the electric company changes the color of the font used to write “Disconnect
Notice” in on their bills—it’s red now FYI, which somehow seems angrier, which
makes no sense to me since I’m the one with no electricity, what do they have
to be pissed off about? I digress.
As I was counting out dimes to buy Rez cigarettes the other
day (priorities), it hit me that being poor builds character. But you have to know how to do it right. So I came up with some handy tips for being
poor. Here goes….
-Familiarize yourself with Ramen noodles. Get over the fact that it’s often referred to
as “crack head soup”. Humble yourself.
-Get a hobby. A free
hobby. If all of your hobbies are
expensive you’re going to be very bored and very cranky. Often.
-Locate your local Laundromats. Just trust me on this one. They are warm and often have cable.
-Always, always, always have bread crumbs, potatoes, rice
and some form of noodle on hand.
Always. Adding these things to a
meal for one day can turn it into a meal for a week.
-Never bounce a check no matter how tight money gets. They can arrest you for that shit now.
-The Salvation Army is a gift from the patron saint of broke
people.
-Dollar General, Aldis and Dollar Tree? Also, gifts from the patron saint of broke
people.
-Never skimp on toilet paper, tampons, shampoo or dish
soap. Thinking on buying those Playkoways
tampons for $2.50? Don’t. Learn from my mistakes.
-Make friends with someone that hunts, regardless of your
feelings about hunting. Free meat is
free meat.
-Canning is a pain in the ass. But it will save your ass some weeks. Find a big ass pot and get to work
dammit.
-Never trust something you didn’t know you had in the
freezer. You aren’t that broke.
-Learn to laugh. A
lot and at yourself and your situation.
It’s therapeutic and totally free.
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